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Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Men

none1 276x300 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Men

I have a tendency to like the fourth seasons of tv exhibits. By then, everyone seems to be assured in what works and what doesn’t, nevertheless it’s nonetheless younger sufficient to nonetheless be recent. Season 4 of Tales from the Crypt definitely isn’t the exception: we’ve got some of probably the most memorable episodes right here, and the standard is extra constant than up to now two seasons. Plus, they sustain with the enjoyable custom of having one of the three premiere night time episodes being directed by a film star and one by a blockbuster filmmaker.

Sadly, this was the primary season EC Comics’ godhead Invoice Gaines wasn’t alive to see; he handed away just a few weeks earlier than its premiere. It was no secret he was a fan of the present, although, and I’ve little doubt this gory rollercoaster of a season would do him proud. What of that premiere night time, although? Let’s check out the primary three episodes and see what’sinew…


none1 276x300 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Mennone1 276x300 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenSeason four, Episode 1: “None but the Lonely Heart” based mostly on Tales From The Crypt #33
Directed by: Tom Hanks
Written by: Donald Longtooth
Initially aired: June 27, 1992

Director and author pedigree: Like Michael J. Fox when he directed his episode, Tom Hanks seems in a supporting position, right here because the man operating a video courting service. Heck, he even did some stunt work! Enjoyable reality: whereas he has directed a couple of issues, Mr. Hanks is greatest recognized for his appearing profession.

Donald Longtooth is clearly a pseudonym that may seem as soon as extra this season, however I haven’t been capable of crack the case on who it belongs too. With that in thoughts, I’m assuming it’s the Donald Longtooth within the episode “The Reluctant Vampire,” performed by Malcolm McDowell. Sure: a Vampire wrote two episodes of Tales from the Crypt! We’ve got a brand new bar to decrease, women and germs.

Different notables: Deal with Williams starred in Dead Warmth, which I’m positive you’ve seen by now with how a lot I push it because the unofficial mascot film of this column.

none2 300x228 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Mennone2 300x228 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenDoes It Ship?: Whereas this episode is usually a lighter one in tone, it has one of the present’s highest physique counts so far!

A male black widow strikes once more: Howard Prince finds lonely, wealthy previous ladies to seduce, then homicide. After his newest “conquest,” he and his companion want only one extra rating to lastly retire from his sugar child homicide mill enterprise. After seeing the rich Effie (Frances Sternhagen) in a video courting service, he focuses his sights on her financial institution e-book by method of her coronary heart. She falls for his act, however her butler Stanhope (Henry Gibson) stays suspicious. As soon as Howard begins getting messages hinting that somebody is aware of what he’s as much as, nevertheless, he must tie up some unfastened ends earlier than he can really make it ‘til demise do them half.

The ending is a ravishing, predictable, creepo, gory all-out EC Comics basic: you’ll be able to virtually see the vengeful corpses illustrated in vibrant four-color in your thoughts’s eye. Whereas this episode doesn’t supply plot surprises, it brings every part else. It’s enjoyable as hell.

Greatest Cryptkeeper line: “Damn you, Marcel! I told you they wanted violence, not violins!”


thisll2 300x225 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Menthisll2 300x225 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenSeason four, Episode 2: “This’ll Kill Ya” based mostly on Crime SuspenStories #23
Directed by: Robert Longo
Written by: A. L. Katz
Initially aired: June 27, 1992

Director and author pedigree: Robert Longo is an fascinating dude. His directing credit focus on music movies, this episode and Johnny Mnemonic. What he actually is, although, is a extremely revered painter and sculptor.

A.L. Katz returns as, fairly probably, the reigningest champ of Tales from the Crypt.

Different notables: American Horror Story and Hardware’s Dylan McDermott stars, and the prolific Rick Bota returns as cinematographer—we’ll be seeing quite a bit of his work on this and the subsequent few seasons.

Does It Ship?: With a gap scene straight from the basic noir D.O.A. (“I’m already dead… and this is my killer!” “I’d like to report a dead body… mine!” “This area isn’t zoned… for life!” You get the thought.), we’re thrust into the tight, enjoyable pacing that’s grow to be a signature of scripts based mostly on the Crime Suspenstories points. It’s additionally one of probably the most sexually specific. No Hays or Comedian Code to fret about right here!

thisll1 300x225 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Menthisll1 300x225 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenTwo scientists (Kiss of the Spider Lady’s Sônia Braga and the late Cleavon Little) have solely noble intentions for a remedy for illness in thoughts, however their egocentric supervisor, George (McDermott) needs the celebrity and fortune hooked up. His reckless and showy angle is scraping their shared final nerve, and all of it involves a head when Geoge is “accidentally” injected with the experimental serum fairly than his insulin. As they warned him, it wasn’t prepared for human testing, and he has solely hours to reside. As his panic grows, so does his paranoia, and if he’s taking place… he’s not taking place alone.

Since that is the top of Noirvember, it’s applicable that we now have an episode that follows the conventions of the style. Whereas we do get a pleasant, bloody dying scene, this undoubtedly falls firmly into the darkish crime camp, jazzy soundtrack and all. It’s superbly shot, and the pacing handles the build-up from exposition to kinetic frenzy far more masterfully than it has any proper to in a present this brief.

Greatest Cryptkeeper line: “I always wanted a SWING set. Just a little something for when I’m HANGING out watching the NOOSE!” Now that’s what I name WELL HUNG!” (I’m telling you, he’s getting quick and unfastened with these themes.)


dead1 300x189 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Mendead1 300x189 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenSeason four, Episode three: “On a Deadman’s Chest” based mostly on Hang-out of Worry #12
Directed by: William Friedkin
Written by: Larry Wilson
Initially aired: June 27, 1992

Director and author pedigree: William Friedkin doesn’t want the likes of me to introduce him, however The Exorcist, The Guardian, Bug and non-genre fare like Sorcerer, To Reside and Die in L.A. and The French Connection? Nicely, I’m all the time comfortable to advocate masterpieces-to-near-masterpieces to the fashionable, discriminating readers of my humble column.

Scribe Larry Wilson returns for his second episode! The screenwriter of The Addams Household and one of the story writers of Beetlejuice will return on a constant foundation to work on scripts till the ultimate season.

Different notables: Each this episode and Wayne’s World have been launched the identical yr, making Tia Carrere the Official Scorching Rock ‘n’ Roll Girlfriend of 1992. Horror-wise, she appeared within the basic Zombie Nightmare! Paul Hipp was additionally busy in rock films that yr: He performed DJ Dan O’Dare in a single of my favourite Full Moon Footage… footage, Dangerous Channels. There’s additionally an Allman brother operating round, so you recognize the entire thing’s legit.

Does It Ship?: The Crypt but once more will get backstage passes to a rock ‘n’ roll episode, this time amping up the depth quite than the humor.

The heavy metallic band Exorcist (!!!) is placing on a hometown present after a profitable tour, however lead singer Danny Darwin (Yul Vazquez) can solely concentrate on his lead guitarist and greatest good friend, Nick (Hipp), getting lately married to Scarlett (Carrere.) Clearly, she’ll be a “Yoko” and break up the band regardless that she clearly simply loves her new husband. Danny’s anger and betrayal are stoked by a jealous groupie, Vendetta, who assures him that ALL the groupies hate her too. She exhibits off a tattoo she received proper on her breast and encourages him to get one from the identical man for some distraction and defiance.

She takes him to the tattoo artist, Farouche, performed by the late Heavy D. (“Esprit farouche, rien ne te touche.” See? Opera! This can be a very tony article.) The solely catch? He can’t decide his personal tattoo. His pores and skin will inform the story, and that determines his ink. Nicely, you’ll be able to in all probability guess whose lovely face seems finally ends up on him. It’s his model of a telltale coronary heart emblazoned proper on his chest — his Scarlett letter — and he’ll do actually something to get rid of it… and a easy laser surgical procedure gained’t do the trick.

dead2 300x224 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead Mendead2 300x224 - Exhuming TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Hearts of Dead MenIt’s fascinating that Friedkin directed this one, although it additionally makes nice sense. He’s spent his profession diving into the sacred and the profane, and whether or not because of the brief runtime or for a way of enjoyable, solely the profane is splayed out right here (Killer Joe is its closest theatrical companion for my part.) The simplistic story that’s choked with heightened emotion is only operatic, and it really works freakishly properly with the plot centering round an immature heavy metallic band. Unusually, that is an episode that I’ve most observed a scarcity of background music, although that could be a house video rights challenge. Regardless of the cause, it created a creepy dissonance. That is humanity at its most petty and jealous, and the ending is so violent, fantastical and insane that it really works with absurdity slightly than get crushed down by it.

Additionally, there’s a dragon on this.

Greatest Cryptkeeper line: “Still, you gotta like where the band is going: America’s CHOP 40!” (Bonus factors for “gore-age band.”)


Based mostly within the extremely down-to-earth metropolis of Las Vegas, NV, Stephanie Crawford is a contract author and co-host on The Screamcast. You possibly can comply with her hijinks at Home of a Affordable Quantity of Horrors and on Twitter @scrawfish

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